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史上最强微信红包扫雷群二维码十则

趣聊2019-08-08 25 人围观
简介01有次老公开好房间等我 ,我到了门外想逗逗他,就在门外小声的叫:306,你叫的小姐来了,开门! 谁...
01 有次老公开好房间等我 ,我到了门外想逗逗他,就在门外小声的叫:306,你叫的小姐来了,开门! 谁料隔壁的门打开了,一个男的出来对我说:等会儿完事了到我这边来一下啊! 02 晚上,老公准备睡觉,刚上床就喊起来:老婆,昨晚儿子尿床了,叫你早上把被子拿出去晒的。 老婆:是啊,我晒了啊...... 老公:奇怪,今天天气这么好,被子都没有晒干啊?你放哪晒的啊? 老婆:哦,放在朋友圈啊! 03 老婆:亲爱的,如果有一天你失去了我,你会有什么感受? 我:嗯。。。就像炒菜没有了盐! 老婆:你是说失去了我生活会索然无味吗? 我:小笨蛋,我的意思是我会去再买一包! 老婆。。。 04 今天去开会,去的路上碰到同事大刘,他边走边吃萝卜。 我问:“哎呦,这个季节,所有的水果都下来了,怎么吃萝卜呀?” 大刘:“你不懂,吃了它,开会的时候,才能提前离开! ” 我:“啥意思?” 大刘:“我们科长说了,开会的时候,你有事离开,我可以理解,但是,你起码得放个屁吧! ” 我:“……” 05 有一次和一女同志一起出差。突然我想起一个黄色微信红包扫雷群二维码。便跟他说:“我想到一个黄-色-笑-话,讲给你听氨 结果她直接无视我扭头走了…… 我这个桑心埃然后……然后她在一个角落跟我摆手:“过来,过来,这边说来。这儿人少” 06 某校有女同学抱怨,男生对她好,都是为了想上她。她闺蜜说,男生每个月生活费1000块,大部分都给女孩买衣服,化妆品,买礼物,回头只能吃泡面,榨菜,你总得让她尝几次肉吧!啊,多明事理啊! 07 晚和女友在外面散步,女友对我说:“冬天还是有好处的。” 我说:“比如呢?” 女友“啪”的一巴掌打在我脸上,问我:“是不是感觉没有以前那么疼了?” 我摸摸脸说:“好像是真的哎。” 08 乌龟正在河里洗澡被癞蛤蟆看见了, 乌龟:没见过像我这样的美女吗?看你眼珠子都快要蹦出来了。 癞蛤蟆:妹,你就别逗我了,没有看见我身上已经起鸡皮疙瘩了吗? 09 上班时收到老婆短信:吃什么食物能减肥? 我上网查了一下回她:1.玉米;2.山楂;3.苹果;4.地瓜。 下班回家看到她躺沙发上喘气,问她怎么了? 她说:“一根玉米两颗山楂不在话下,三个苹果也还行,四个地瓜撑死我了。” 10 那天想约一个女生出来,打电话之前酝酿了半天,结果电话是她爸接的,我一激动说了句:叔叔您好,阿姨在家么?我想叫她出来玩。

There was an old public good room waiting for me, I went to the door to tease him, just outside the door whispered: 306, you called the young lady to come, open the door! Who expected that the door next door opened, a man came out to me and said: after a while, come to my side! 02 at night, the husband ready to go to bed, just went to bed shouted: wife, last night the son wet the bed, asked you to take the quilt out in the morning. Wife: yes, I did. Husband: strange, the weather is so fine today, the quilt did not dry ah? Where did you put it? Wife: Oh, put it in the circle of friends! Wife: honey, if one day you lose me, how will you feel? Me: mm-hmm. It's like cooking without salt! Wife: do you mean life will be boring without me? Me: little fool, I mean, I'm going to buy another bag! Wife. Today, I went to the meeting. On the way to the meeting, I met my colleague, Da Liu, who ate radish while walking. I asked, "Oh, this season, all the fruit has come down, how to eat radish?" Big Liu: "you do not understand, eat it, when the meeting, can leave early!" "I:" what do you mean? " Big Liu: "our section chief said, during the meeting, you have something to leave, I can understand, but at least you have to fart!" "I:". " I once went on a business trip with a lesbian. Suddenly I remembered a dirty joke. Then he said to him, "I thought of a yellow-color-smile-talk, told you to listen to ammonia, and she just ignored me and turned away." My mulberry heart, and then. Then she waved to me in a corner and said, "come here, come here." There are fewer people here. 06 there are female students in a certain school who complain that the boys are nice to her in order to have sex with her. Her best friend said that boys live on 1000 yuan a month, most of them buy clothes, cosmetics, gifts for girls, and then eat only pickled noodles, mustard, you have to let her taste meat a few times! Ah, how sensible! 07 evening and girlfriend outside for a walk, my girlfriend said to me: "Winter is still good." I said, "like what?" My girlfriend slapped me in the face and asked me, "doesn't it feel as painful as it used to be?" I touched my face and said, "it seems to be true." 08 the tortoise is bathing in the river was seen by the toad, tortoise: have you never seen a beautiful woman like me? Look, your eyes are about to pop out. Toad: sister, don't you tease me. Can't you see that I have goose bumps on my body? 09 received a text message from his wife at work: what kind of food can you eat to lose weight? I checked her back on the Internet: 1. Corn; 2. Hawthorn; 3. Apples; 4. Sweet potato. When I came home from work, I saw her gasping for breath on the sofa and asked her what was wrong with her. "one corn, two Hawthorn, three apples are all right, and four sweet potatoes are killing me," she said. " 10 want to ask a girl out that day, brewing for a long time before the phone call, as a result, her father answered the phone, I said excitedly: uncle Hello, aunt at home? I want to ask her to come out and play.

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